-Is it becoming more and more difficult for you to feel valued and seen by your partner?
-Do you find that you are arguing more than ever before, often about 'the little things'?
-Has the sexual spark you once shared so easily with each other diminished or become almost nonexistent?
-Do you feel more and more like roomates than intimate partners?
As
wonderful and nourishing as intimate relationships can be, they also
have the capacity to induce the most pain and suffering in us. Why is
that?! Well, they're intimate, which implies vulnerability. To
the mind, vulnerability often translates into pain, but, I believe this
points more to the mind than to vulnerability itself. I see
vulnerability as synonymous with 'openness'; when we're open, we let it all in, not just 'the good stuff'.
Our past conditioning, often from the first few years of life, can strongly dictate how we engage and what we're willing to tolerate in our adult intimate relationships. In couples therapy, we can help soothe and heal these old wounds toward increased awareness, choice, and ease in your intimate relationship now. In turn, you will learn more about your partner and how to relate to him/her with increased aliveness, connection, and understanding.
Another important piece in healing conflict between individuals in a couple is communication. When we can communicate more and more from a place of owning our feelings and our needs attached to those feelings, we are more free to express ourselves, and in turn more available to hear those of our partner. Open, authentic, and compassionate communication is, I believe, a fundamental healing salve for couples conflicts.
